Thursday, October 28, 2010

thoughts at midnight

Take this:
Right now your probably reading this in your head with this voice that is unspoken, maybe like your conscience?, and its not like in the movies where this voice is an exact double for your 'real' voice. This voice is more romantic in a way, more poetic. and it follows you through life sometimes thinking things that compliment you now, or others that could not be farther from it. I have always used this voice, sometimes its very quiet, so quiet you cant even hear it but you KNOW you had a thought, and what thought you had.
How is this possible?
It really goes hand in hand with so many theories already in my head that at midnight last night all of these theories, thoughts, my logic, and philosophy on life aligned and this voice was the leader behind this event, and last night I felt for this moment that I knew it all, I had no questions because what this voice hinted at was so marvelous.
Anyway I got to this all by briefly listening to a conversation on reincarnation and, I so far, dont know if i believe in it. I have lent an ear to it before and I think wrongly labeled it a reason for some things in my life. This whole reincarnation subject got me thinking to reevaluate if I still didn't believe in it (because these things change, you know (depending on how much thinking is involved)) ;) and thinking, I was using this voice I mentioned earlier, the same one you have, well and I imagined myself later in this life, I still had this voice and I imagined myself in various dying scenarios (a favorite past time of mine) and in all of them I still had this voice telling me, "your dying look around you" or "this is what it feels to die" something of that nature and then I realized that no matter what I theorize or have come to speculate on death, I do not know what is on the other side.
But I do know this:
That in my dreams I have this voice, and that in my heart of hearts I cannot imagine all this voice consists of to be lost or stopped only to reincarnate again.
How did it begin?
..and for a moment I was so deep in thought that I could fathom various afterlife possibilities with my 'voice' allowed, and in those reincarnation was just so laughable.
Because this voice is timeless and eternal, because of the infinity in the Now it is filled with the truest truths so it is light as a feather and easy to carry.
I for a moment knew I carried a piece of nothing, everything. you know?
I felt like this voice was the essence of my known experience and potential all together, that I was both alive and dead now. I was being born and dying in this moment of thought. I could almost feel the ticks on the clock forever slowing down. I was just a little spec, the spec. The whole picture.
I understood everything without knowing what even I was understanding; you know, I knew all by knowing I knew not a thing.
Now take this:
You've read this with your own 'voice' which really is mine, or as mine as anything could be, but it is not, because its in your head now, or are you in this instant me? (keep in mind I am in a different space, and time even, i am on a different path having a totally different experience.)
How could this be?
Now the only truth I have come to accept as such has come from nature, and it [nature] has not failed me in this, nor do I believe it ever will because the answer to the question this entire thought seems to pose can only be seen, and not necessarily with eyes be it that as these thoughts filled my head they turned colors and swirled into one another.